10 Reasons why Females are better than Males

10 Reasons Why Having "fe" In Front Of "male" Is Better:

1. Girls are hot by definition; guys aren't... Most guys work out like Hell and STILL look like baboons.

2. Guys start cryin' (ironically) like little girls over a kitchen knife injury; girls go through P.M.S., labour, and birth like it's no big deal.

3. Girls can get a lot more pleasure out of mating than guys; plus, the dudette just sits tight and enjoys the ride, while the dude has to worry about keepin' his thing up, satisfying the female and keeping little children from spawning themselves.

4. Girls have multiple orgasms, guys have multiple issues (impotence, premature 'launching', hair... impotence!).

5. Most girls cook, go to high school/college, have jobs, take care of kids; most guys go to high school, drink, curse, get stoned, curse some more and then drink some more.

6. Girls are good with kids; guys aren't good with anyone.

7. Girls are faster, more nimble, and more flexible than guys.

8. Girls are creatures of the heart; guys are creatures of the ****.

9. Guys have a one-track mind; girls have all the other tracks.

10. Guys think, girls feel... as in they feel for the guys...

The Flaw of Creation

Almost every human believes that there is a unique all-powerful, omniscient and omnipresent entity that is responsible for creating everything there is today, including the human race, simply because almost every human has no idea how, when, and why everything came to be and can’t accept the fact that it’s beyond their capacity to understand or that they might never know, anyway.

- The following story is a lampoon and should be treated as such -

There was (and, perhaps, still is) an all powerful entity who had the mentality of a 6 year old kid with a magnifying glass, sitting atop an ant farm. Let us designate this being “Ape” (All Powerful Entity). We could assume that it was responsible for creating Terra, the Solar System, the Galaxy, the Universe etc., but I like to think that it had nothing to do with it – it was just there (I like to grant credit to Nature for creating matter).

At some point, Ape became so bored, that it wanted to actually do something; after a short while, it decided to make a creature that, from his point of view, would be perfect. It got to work, carefully designing the creature with all its features and aspects, much like a guy (who can’t draw anything other than cartoons) trying to draw someone’s portrait. He figured that, if it’s going to be perfect, then everything should be even, a pair, equal – fingers, hands, arms, legs – well, almost everything (the creature wouldn’t need 2 brains, as that would make it unbalanced, and, thus, imperfect). It worked so hard, truly wanting to create a masterpiece; it wanted its creation to be able to do anything, to look simple, but have the ability to learn, to specialize and to defy everything, to be universal and unique, at the same time.

Finally, its work was finished. It had created the perfect being… or had it? Ape gazed upon its creation and was gradually filled with disgust, realizing that his work had but one flaw: it was ugly. It was uglier than Hell! What was it thinking? How could Ape get it wrong? It thought of everything; the creature was supposed to be perfect. Ape used the right materials, the right amount of materials, gave it the right shape, and still, it wasn’t perfect. Determined not to give up, Ape started from scratch. It used the same blueprints, and even paid attention to the structure of its first-born creation. Ape had but one goal in mind: to make this second creation more beautiful. Ape worked on its shape – round curbs, less imposing features – giving it a more supple and comely appearance; Ape even gave it some new organs and distinctive extra features.

Ape successfully completed its second creation. It’s greatest work ever. This one was different. It was truly wonderful: strong, resilient, and truly beautiful. It outshone its older brother on every level. It may not have had such strength as the first, but it more than made up for it with great resistance and its ability to absorb a lot of damage. Ape reveled in its accomplishment; looking upon it, Ape was stunned by the simple sensual beauty of its new creature. It was beautiful, very beautiful, it was… too beautiful! Ape realized that it couldn’t look at the being without drooling, and neither could creature nr. 1. This one was disproportioned by its own charisma and physical shape, while the other one was shunned by its hideous appearance. Ape had created the two extremes – instead of making “cute and cuddly”, he created “cute and ugly” – typical… Ape was furious; by now, its character and personality resembled that of a mad scientist. Its rage was now concentrated on the “second-born”. Completely frenzied, Ape tore a chunk of meat from “cute” – more specifically, from between it’s legs – and attached it to “ugly” – more specifically, between it’s legs, damning “cute” to forever be incomplete. He cursed it to forever feel attracted to that chunk of meat which was now an extension of “ugly”.

Nature christened the first “male” (Mortal Atomic Life-possessing Entity), and the second “female” (Fundamental Error: Mortal Anomaly/Life-leeching Entity). The female, eventually came to like the male, accept him and feel attracted to him, not just to his… extension. She was drawn to him and, at the same time, she was disgusted by the very sight of him. Nature also saw this as an opportunity to perpetuate the species. The two would breed through … unusual means.

Ape would not give up, however. Seeing how its two creations have adapted, its rage grew even more, so Ape further harmed the female, causing her to give birth in tremendous pain; as a side effect, she started bleeding and bleeding. Because of her great adaptability to pain and her capacity to absorb damage, she managed to conceal the wound, partially healing herself. I said partially, because, from time to time, the female would start bleeding again, then stop, then start again, until it became a stable cycle/period – every now and then, she would feel sick, nauseous and spill a bit of her blood – this “ability” was inherited by all her (female) offspring. Perhaps that’s why females have such a twisted, yet cunning, chaotic, yet complex way of thinking – because of their ordeal and everything they had withstood. You would imagine that, after all she’d been through, such a tortured creature would look awful, pathetic, disgusting, even… but it doesn’t; on the contrary, she’s more beautiful than ever, her body is flawless, and she continues to evolve, gaining more strength, wit and intelligence; in spite of her cruel punishments, she has grown more powerful, and, even today, continues to surprise and inspire. As for the male, well, he didn’t change much – he still is, up to date, an almost perfect being, capable of doing anything, yet still, so ugly – he’s so similar to the female, and yet, inexplicably different – superior and inferior at the same time. The scales were tipped in her favor, but because Ape chose to harm her, the male gained a great advantage, remaining unhindered, quickly imposing his dominance over the other gender. Or maybe the female let him think he was in charge, and preferred to control and orchestrate everything from the shade.

Who knows? Maybe two imperfect beings will eventually spawn a perfect one (not likely). But, then again, who would want to be perfect, anyway? If you’re perfect then why do you even live? To live means to learn, to evolve, perfect yourself and enjoy it; being perfect is much like being immortal: if you can’t die, then why do you live? People live forever in Paradise and burn forever in the Abyss (if there are such things), so life should be a mixture of the two. Plus, if you’re perfect, then you have no chance of doing something amazing, unbelievable, beyond perfection! To me, “perfect” is synonym with “boring”.

And what about Ape, the one who started it all? Well, it probably left it’s creations behind and started working on other dumb ideas; c’est la vie. Always remember: it doesn’t matter what you are, but who you are and how far you’re willing to go to be that.